Anniversaries

Remembering significant events on an annual basis is something as old as humankind. Even before calendars were invented, people used the annual cycle of seasons and the rhythms of the work year—planting, cultivating and harvest—to recall significant marker events. Israel celebrates Passover (the annual remembrance of deliverance from Egypt; Deut. 16:6), and the church celebrates the festivals of Easter, Christmas and Thanksgiving. Nations celebrate their day of independence, the queen’s birthday or the day the constitution was approved. In the same way each individual life is annually marked with significant events, the most obvious being one’s birthday. Married people celebrate their wedding anniversaries. Some pastors celebrate the anniversary of their ordination. Christians sometimes celebrate the day of their baptism. All these are happy occasions.

Most people have anniversaries inscribed in their souls that are difficult to celebrate: the anniversary of a spouse’s, parent’s or child’s death, the day one was raped or fired or the date that the decree came through on the divorce. Even if these dates are not written on the wall calendar, they are inscribed on the calendar of the heart. Most people have an annual emotional cycle that forms the seasons of the soul, both summer and winter. These too are worthy of theological and spiritual reflection.

Sacramental Events

Celebrating important marker events in one’s life serves the yearly cycle in the same way as sabbath serves the weekly: it gives perspective to the rest of the time and points us godward. It invites contemplation. It focuses affirmation. It is a way to redeem time. So having a birthday party or a special anniversary dinner for one’s beloved is a way of remembering the significance of the original event and deepening the meaning. This is especially so if it is an occasion of corporate prayer and recounting the mercies of God. Parents may use the anniversaries of a child’s marriage to express and deepen their “letting go” of son or daughter in order to “cleave” (Genesis 2:24 KJV), as well as to express and welcome the entry of a daughter- or son-in-law into the family. Some people with a radical conversion celebrate the anniversary of their new birth or the day they stopped drinking.

In the Hebrew way of living, remembering is not simply digging back the past; it is making something from the past present to us now. This is the real meaning of remembering the Lord’s death until he comes (1 Cor. 11:25-26; see Communion). So there is sacramental significance in remembering. It becomes a means of grace both to the person or relationship so honored, as well as to those who honor them. Families, as part of their family traditions, do well to establish a few significant anniversaries that will become the means of recounting the goodness of God and reinforcing family values. Why not keep an anniversary of the day you moved into your home or the day Dad came home from the hospital for good? But what can we do with our negative anniversaries?

Healing Painful Memories

Some misguided Christians think that denying painful anniversaries is a mark of advanced spirituality. They never talk about the loss and pretend that it is “all over.” But like a cork pushed down in water, such painful wounds surface in compensatory behavior: inappropriate emotions, depression, withdrawal from situations that bring back memories, conspicuous lack of reference to deceased people, unwillingness to risk being loved again or rebound relationships. Often this happens around the date written on the emotional calendar. Most commonly an unhealed past leads to a wall of defense built around the person. Grieving, as we know, is a long-term process, and it is literally true that we never really get over a significant loss; we adjust to it. But the adjustment cannot happen if there is denial. So anniversaries can help expound this part of our soul life as well.

Significantly Israel’s “church” year included painful memories and a remembrance of the bitter experiences in Egypt (see Sugar/Sugary), just as the modern remembrance of the Holocaust and the birth of the state of Israel has an edifying function. In the same way people can find creative ways to celebrate painful anniversaries. They do this not to keep the pain alive and nurture the root of bitterness (Hebrews 12:15) but to put it into perspective and allow God to heal. For example, the annual remembrance of a death can become an occasion for a family to recall the contribution of that person, telling stories, thanking God for their lives, and when unforgiven sins are remembered, to “let go.” A meal is a great time to do this. The mixture of tears and laughter on such occasions is emotionally healing and spiritually edifying. Some people find it constructive to write a letter to a dead or divorced spouse expressing thoughts, regrets and gratitude, a letter that will afterward be burned.

Extremely painful marker events, such as a rape or unjust dismissal, may require continuing counseling and inner healing with an experienced friend or counselor. But even these extremely bitter experiences can be healed, especially if they are not cocooned in a cloak of secrecy and denial. Having dinner and conversation with an intimate friend each year at “the time” can be a healing sacrament of remembrance. There are some wounds and events that in this life will never be forgotten, but they can be forgiven and substantially healed. And the process of getting there is part of God’s agenda for our spiritual growth and maturing.

Celebrating anniversaries as individuals is based on good theology. God is sovereign and has a wonderful purpose (not a plan) for our lives. Nothing has happened to us that cannot be incorporated into his good purpose for us. He is a saving and healing God. We are not a bundle of accidents or a victim of fate. God’s grand purpose, not the stars or horoscope, defines our life path. Each person is a unique creation (Psalm 139), and celebrating the marker events of our unique life path is a way of celebrating creation and Creator at the same time.

Not only is celebrating anniversaries good theology; it is good spirituality. It helps us find God at the center of our lives. True spirituality is gained, as Dietrich Bonhoeffer once said, “by living unreservedly in life’s duties, problems, successes and failures, experiences and perplexities. In so doing we throw ourselves completely into the arms of God” (Bonhoeffer, p. 15).

» See also: Birthdays

» See also: Festivals—Christmas

» See also: Festivals—Easter

» See also: Festivals—Thanksgiving

» See also: Partying

References and Resources

D. Bonhoeffer, letter from Tegel Prison in 1944, quoted in M. Morrison, “As One Who Stands Convicted,” Sojourners 8, no. 5 (May 1979) 15-19; M. E. Hazeltine, Anniversaries and Holidays: A Calendar of Days and How to Observe Them, 2d ed. (Chicago: American Library Association, 1944).

—R. Paul Stevens