Drivenness

Drivenness is behind one of the most respectable of all addictions—workaholism. But it is also expressed in a wide variety of addictive behaviors not covered in this article: chemical abuse, religious zeal, sexual addiction, perfectionism and fitness, which are all subject to the law of diminishing returns as people try to meet their deepest needs in these ways. The condition of drivenness usually arises from sources deep within the human personality, as well as systemic problems in our society. Drivenness reveals a spiritual dysfunctionality usually associated with a failure to accept the unconditional love of God. Driven people tend to focus all their energies on an activity that feeds their inner dysfunction, and this activity becomes an addiction.

Workaholism: The Respectable Addiction

The now commonplace term workaholism was coined by Wayne Oates, an American minister and psychologist, in 1968. In that year he wrote a humorous and insightful confession in an article entitled “On Being a ‘Workaholic’ (A Serious Jest)” in Pastoral Psychology. Comparing himself to an alcoholic, Oates says that he started with “social” working, boasting about how much work he could “hold” and how he could work others “under the table.” But then it progressed to a true addiction. He was hooked. Drawing on his own experience, Oates describes the progression. Workaholics “pass out” (become emotionally dead) either on the job or at home, usually the latter. Whereas formerly they attained social approval for working addictively, now they are besieged by well-meaning advice to slow down, though friends and family expect them to be too busy to attend to them. If they try to slow down, they suffer “withdrawal symptoms” and fight a terrible battle when they leave the office, factory or church, resolving it by taking some work home or by doing a “weekend binge” of work. Christmas, other holidays and family vacations are terrifying experiences, and workaholics can only tolerate them by taking work with them.

Workaholics dread thinking about retirement, and when they finally retire, they may die prematurely. Work is their love, and they may even feed this love by planning another report or sermon while making love to their spouse! In this seminal article Oates recognizes that the problem is profoundly theological and spiritual: the workaholic has made an idol of work. Salvation depends on work: “Far from thinking of God as someone who loves us whether we produce or not, this is unthinkable to workaholics. Acceptance is pay for work done” (Oates 1968, p. 17).

Since Oates’s initial contribution, an extensive study has been undertaken by Barbara Killinger of what she calls the “respectable addicts.” A workaholic is “a person who gradually becomes emotionally crippled and addicted to control and power in a compulsive drive to gain approval and success” (Killinger, p. 6). She describes the typical workaholic family of origin: one is born in a home where love is conditional on good performance and behavior. Instead of communicating the value of a child for who he or she is, parents in such homes communicate only the value of the child’s accomplishments. Thus the child does not learn to separate doing and being, performance from personhood. Instead of hearing, “The grass you cut looks terrific; you must be proud of yourself!” they hear, “You did a great job cutting the grass; you are a good boy” (Killinger, p. 21). In the words of Killinger, “conditional love teaches a child to be dependent on others for approval; unconditional love encourages independent appraisal, objectivity, and self-affirmation in deserved pride” (p. 22). Many children raised in such environments become chronically overinvolved with work, usually as a way of avoiding anxiety or emotional pain.

Workaholism is the condition of persons whose self-worth is linked to what they do rather than who they are. The result of this orientation is that work moves from being an other-centered to a self-centered activity, defining every aspect of their existence. Workaholics do not work because they have a desire to be gainfully employed; they work to prove something to themselves. Though they keep trying by working harder, working better or trying to find the perfect job, they can never do enough to give full meaning to their lives. With some women workaholism takes a unique form in compulsive motherhood. The workaholic housewife has been well researched. Less recognized is the phenomenon of some women who become pregnant repeatedly for largely unconscious reasons: the inability to enjoy sexual relations apart from impregnation, being unhappy with any child except a new and helpless one, needing to control her husband or other children. The end result of this repeated “labor” is the martyred wife and mother, usually perfectionist and depressed (Oates 1971, p. 72).

Understanding Workaholism

The workaholic does not normally come from the ranks of the nine-to-five workers but more likely comes from a self-employed, small business, professional or homemaking background. All these people decide for themselves whether they should be working more or less (Oates 1968, p. 20). While this helpfully targets the part of our population that may be most likely to exhibit workaholism, it does not help us make an important distinction. Not all people who work hard or work long hours are workaholics. Indeed, some studies indicate that people highly involved in their work may indicate little or no sign of personal problems and may function in a healthy way on the job (Naughton, p. 181). Such persons typically find a lot of satisfaction in their work, more than they find in nonwork-related activities. Thus in developing a typology of workaholism for career counselors, Thomas Naughton distinguishes between the job-involved workaholic, who has high job satisfaction and performs well, and the compulsive workaholic, whose work reflects a ritualized pattern of thoughts and behaviors that are destructive to himself or herself and colleagues. In this latter case workaholics are not good workers, not an asset to a company or a church. They have nothing to give their families and friends. Like the idlers in 2 Thes. 3:10-12, they are sponging on the goodwill of their family and friends.

There are signs of workaholism. Workaholics typically (1) keep excessively long workdays, (2) talk a lot about their accomplishments, (3) are unable to say no and (4) cannot rest or relax (Minirth et al., pp. 29-31). Frank Minirth and his colleagues note how the deeply reflective words of Eccles. 2:17-23 are applicable to the workaholic: “All his days his work is pain and grief; even at night his mind does not rest” (Eccles. 2:23). In contrast, the godly person finds enjoyment in eating, drinking and work (Eccles. 2:24-25).

There are substantial effects of this addictive behavior: disruption of family life, neglect of spiritual growth, diminishing returns for work, physical tension, loss of perspective on life and misdirected resentment in which others are blamed for the pain they experience (Walters, pp. 103-4). The children of workaholics are especially disadvantaged. Sons may recall very few moments when their father (or mother) attended a sporting event with them. They may be preoccupied with getting good grades. Daughters of workaholic fathers have special problems. Speaking to this, therapists note: “Their fathers are apt to totally ignore them because of a feeling that females are less productive in terms of work than are males. . . . This can be devastating for the daughter and she may go to extreme lengths to gain her father’s attention . . . [including] drugs and/or sexual misconduct” (Minirth et al., p. 46). Not only do the children of workaholics suffer direct effects in the circumstances of their lives, but the workaholic pattern gets ingrained in the children, thus passing the sins of the fathers (and mothers) to the children, sometimes for three or four generations (Exodus 20:5).

Reflecting on Drivenness

Earlier I used the word idol in a description of a workaholic. Idolatry is a misplaced devotion; it is simply making something one’s ultimate concern other than the One who is ultimate. The apostle Paul was a driven person until he experienced the call of God on the Damascus road. But perhaps this observation does not go deep enough. Was he obsessed and compulsive or ambitious and determined?

Prior to meeting Christ, Paul was determined to find acceptance and righteousness with God through Jewish legalism and performance and was simultaneously compelled to eliminate Christians as a threatening sect. What happened at Damascus was not the changing of Paul’s personality from one type to another. Rather, Paul was released from the self-justifying paralysis of his personality by an empowering and liberating experience of grace through which he knew himself to be unconditionally accepted by God. Since the great resources of his personality were liberated by his meeting with Christ, he was able to devote himself in an entirely healthy way in a magnificently liberating passion—his passion to love God and love his neighbor as himself. Paul confessed, “To this end I labor, struggling with all his energy, which so powerfully works in me” (Col. 1:29).

It is tempting to say that the driven person and the called person may appear to be very similar to an outside observer. But this is too superficial an observation. The driven person has an obsession that destroys him and those around him. The called person is a liberated person who empowers and liberates others. Having a different source results in a different expression.

What is seldom mentioned in any discussion of addiction is that we were made for an all-consuming passion, love for God and love for our neighbor. The comparison Paul makes between being intoxicated with alcohol and being filled with the Spirit in Ephes. 5:18 is intentional. Canon Stanley Evans once described a Christian as “a controlled drunk, purposively intoxicated with the joy of the life which is perpetually created in God himself” (quoted in Leech, p. 103). “Be filled with the Spirit” (Ephes. 5:18) is in the imperative mood (it is not an option), in the present tense (it is an ongoing continuous experience) and in the plural number (it is something we experience in the community of faith). The similarity of this experience of completeness and profound pleasure in God with the sexual experience is a subject often noted.

Workaholism provides an alternative ecstasy. In an insightful section on “erotica,” Killinger compares work experiences with sexual orgasms: “When there is a passionate obsession with work, erotic feelings can be expressed towards the accomplishments or products of work. The senses are aroused and alive when a coveted contract is signed, a record becomes a hit, or a sought-after degree is conferred” (p. 34). Failing to find the divine source of legitimate ecstasy, people find unsatisfactory substitutes. But how do people move from a debilitating compulsion to a magnificent obsession? In establishing a theology and practice of self-control, we must observe that self-control is not a human accomplishment, not even a religious work, but a fruit of the continuous inundation of the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:23). How can we become accessible to such an indirect grace?

Toward Substantial Healing

Self-knowledge. The deepest sources of drivenness may be understood and resolved only through professional counseling, but a beginning can be made through reflection on why you as an individual work so hard and why praise is so important to you. Getting in touch with your own story and understanding the influence of one generation on another may be especially helpful. One aspect that is frequently neglected is simply listening to your own body-talk. Sometimes a specific illness serves as a reminder of the need for the seventh day of rest and for relief from the demands of work (Oates 1968, p. 20).

While choices can be made by a workaholic, a profoundly addicted person is not likely to gain freedom simply by making resolutions or decisions. Just as alcoholics must come to the place of recognizing that they are unable to free themselves, so workaholics must recognize their helplessness. The theologian Reinhold Niebuhr once said that to be a sinner is our distress, but to know it is our hope. To come to the end of self-deception, excuses, alibis and hiding is a profound moment of hope. God can help the helpless. Because Western society, and most of the industrialized world, sees nothing wrong with a person’s wanting “to get ahead,” the workaholic is tragically often permitted to remain in denial much longer than with substance abuse.

Many workaholics are helped with a personal inventory, such as that used by Alcoholics Anonymous and other self-help groups. These inventories deal with self-centeredness (my workaholism is driven by my narcissistic need to prove that I deserve to exist or to be loved or . . .), aggressiveness (my aggressiveness is really a self-centered expression of my need to be in control or to rebel against a parent or . . .), anger and resentment (I have put the following people on my grudge list, and I am affected by my anger in this way: . . .) and fear (behind my anger and resentment is my fear that I will not be loved by . . . or that I will lose control of . . .). As we take off the mask that covers our resentments, we usually discover that our adult drivenness is a desperate attempt to outrun our fear of abandonment. The deepest answer to our self-preoccupation is not through deprivation or condemnation but experiencing the unconditional love of God (Hemfelt, Minirth and Meier, pp. 263-64). But this liberating process is often complicated by the fact that those closest to us may not want us to change!

Coconspiracy for health rather than codependence in drivenness. People making a transition out of job-involved workaholism may encounter social pressures that make change very difficult. Recovering workaholics may experience shame, guilt and fear as they continue to relate to peers and employers whose work styles require long hours and who communicate social disapproval for people who fail to conform (Naughton, p. 186). Controlling workaholics need to learn to trust others and to share power.

If you are a recovering workaholic, it is most desirable that you ask colleagues and peers to hold you accountable for reasonable work hours and to ask them for feedback (and listen to it!). The same holds true for your spouse and children. Instead of playing the nurturing “fixer” who compensates for the effects of workaholism, invite your spouse to verbalize how you can take greater responsibility for your lifestyle to help diversify your interests. Those responsible for shaping the environment of a workplace have the privilege of creating organizations based on grace, celebrating who people are and not just remunerating their performance, and giving people a second chance (Oates 1971, p. 108).

Lifestyle changes. You should “give yourself the freedom to live each day well” (Killinger, p. 209). To do this, a driven person needs to stop rushing, to enjoy play, to learn to say no, to put energy into a wide variety of baskets. Killinger advises making a regular date with your spouse and a regular special outing with each of the children. Regarding your job, it is sometimes wise to ask whether you are in the right job and whether you should reduce your responsibilities rather than to seek another promotion (Killinger, pp. 208-21). Big changes in lifestyle are enormously difficult, but they can be accomplished through a succession of little changes in the right direction.

Experiencing sabbath. Some addictions, such as to pornography, require complete cessation, while others, like workaholism, require a balance of work, play, activity and rest, not unemployment. To achieve this balance, recovering a Christian experience of sabbath is essential. People who are on a treadmill of working harder and harder to support a particular lifestyle, or, in the case of the academic world, to publish more and more to justify tenure, desperately need sabbath. Our society offers work and leisure. While leisure is often a good thing, it is not contemplative; it does not direct us to reflect on the meaning of our lives and what God’s view of our lives really is. Sabbath is not merely stopping work or resting. It is getting God’s big view of the meaning of our lives and playing heaven.

Personal spirituality. Workaholics frequently doubt their own salvation. Not having felt unconditionally accepted as a child, they can hardly believe that the one who comes to Christ will not be cast out (John 6:37). To overcome workaholism, a person needs to deeply internalize the gospel and then to express it confidently in concrete everyday life. Experiencing gospel confidence is not like having one continuous spiritual orgasm; we were not made for continuous excitement. Practical steps for dealing with lust for more excitement all concern a deepening spiritual journey: (1) begin by reordering your spiritual values and beliefs about the root of pleasure (Proverbs 21:17); (2) accept a “deficit in excitement” as normal as being overcome by pleasure; (3) watch where and how you get your excitement; (4) come to appreciate satisfaction over excitement (Hart, pp. 60-63).

This last point hints at the seven dimensions of the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23), especially joy. We were made for a magnificent and liberating passion—the constant, continuous filling of the Holy Spirit. But Spirit-filling is primarily not for ecstasy but for redeemed living, for submissive and loving relationships (Ephes. 5:21) and for joy. Thus being in a community of faith, reading the Bible, practicing a life of prayer and inviting the Holy Spirit to inundate us continuously constitute the deepest answer for drivenness. This answer is not an alternative to dealing with the masks of denial, but without it we would be powerless to discover the intended content of the God-shaped vacuum in our souls.

Saint Augustine once said that God is always trying to give good things to us, but our hands are too full to receive them. Often our hands are full of the results of our drivenness. Gerald May suggests we may not be able to empty our hands by sheer willpower (p. 17). But we can relax them a little and admit that God’s strength will be demonstrated in our weakness (2 Cor. 12:9), for “sooner or later addiction will prove to us that we are not gods,” thus becoming to our extreme amazement a kind of good gift (May, p. 20). A German philosopher enigmatically expressed this same thought: “My burden carries me!” (A. A. Schröders, quoted in Thielicke, p. 238).

References and Resources

S. Arterburn and J. Felton, Toxic Faith (Nashville: Nelson, 1991); A. D. Hart, Healing Life’s Hidden Addictions: Overcoming the Closet Compulsions That Waste Your Time and Control Your Life (Ann Arbor, Mich.: Servant, 1990); R. Hemfelt, F. Minirth and P. Meier, We Are Driven: The Compulsive Behaviors America Applauds (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1991); B. Killinger, Workaholics: The Respectable Addicts (New York: Simon & Schuster, 1991); K. Leech, True Prayer: An Invitation to Christian Spirituality (San Francisco: Harper & Row, 1980); G. G. May, Addiction and Grace: Love and Spirituality in the Healing of Addictions (San Francisco: Harper, 1988); F. Minirth et al., The Workaholic and His Family (Grand Rapids: Baker, 1981); T. J. Naughton, “A Conceptual View of Workaholism and Implications for Career Consoling and Research,” The Career Development Quarterly 135, no. 3 (1987) 180-87; W. E. Oates, Confessions of a Workaholic: The Facts About Work Addiction (London: Wolfe Publishing, 1971); W. E. Oates, “On Being a ‘Workaholic’ (A Serious Jest),” Pastoral Psychology 19 (October 1968) 16-20; A. W. Schaef, When Society Becomes an Addict (San Francisco: Harper & Row, 1986); H. Thielicke, Und Wenn Gott Ware (Stuttgbart: Qwee Verlag, 1970); R. P. Walters, Escape the Trap (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1989).

—R. Paul Stevens