Book Review: Surfing for God

I did not want to read this book.

With two teenage boys under my roof, the story of recovery from porn addiction feels too scary—too real. So, when I go over possible books to review with the managing editor, I list Surfing for God: Discovering the Divine Desire beneath Sexual Struggle by Michael John Cusick as number five. It makes my breath catch every time I pass it sitting idle on the counter. I want to hide it in a stack of other titles. But when she reads my list—that wise managing editor—she says, “I’m particularly drawn to number five because I don’t think the church talks about sex enough in a way that is healthy—or, at all.”

I know she’s right. When the back of this book tells me there are 68 million searches for pornography every day and over 70 percent of Christian men report viewing porn in the last year…well, I know I can’t run from this fear. At this rate, it’s bound to catch me. We’ve had all the filters installed, I’ve crept around checking history, I’ve even asked point blank. I’ve had this talk: blah, blah, blah—objectifying women; blah, blah—someone’s daughter; blah, blah, blah—ruin your capacity for real intimacy (yes, I actually said that to a thirteen-year-old). The boys nod their heads and promise in earnest but I suspect that they don’t have to think too hard to know the truth of the matter: I don’t know what I’m talking about. Not really.

I mean, after all, I’ve never struggled with a compulsion to look at porn. And I have no idea what it must be like to live inside the body and look at the world through the mind of a man.

But Michael John Cusick does. And he wants to use his story of addiction and recovery to help others achieve healing too. An ordained minister, spiritual director, and licensed professional counselor, Cusick is also the founder of Restoring the Soul—a ministry whose mission is to provide life changing soul care to Christian leaders.

After reading Surfing for God, I feel like I have a better understanding of what might lead a man (or boy) to this place of brokenness. I am better prepared to talk to my boys about the dark lure of porn and I have some tools to help them avoid this pit. Here are just a few of the things I learned from Surfing for God:

It’s not about sex. Cusick’s experience has led him to understand that a man’s dependence on pornography usually comes from a heart need that remains unmet. He identifies some key desires that pornography promises to fulfill without asking anything in return.

• Validation of manhood without requiring strength
• Sexual fulfillment without relationship
• Intimacy without risk and suffering
• Passion and life without connection to your soul
• Comfort and care without depending on others

Cusick leads us in a discussion of the heart cravings—the legitimate cravings—in a man’s soul that lead to a sense of fulfillment. Pornography is one of the counterfeits men turn to when these desires are left empty.

It has to do with core beliefs and shame. Cusick examines core beliefs that lead to shame and perpetuate the cycle of addiction that pornography fosters. He gives some guidelines to help overcome the shame and reminds us that the voice of love speaks louder than the voice of shame.

Addiction follows a predictable pattern. Cusick calls this the soul snare cycle. This discussion on how the soul becomes ensnared, avoiding triggers, and how shame fuels brokenness is a great practical discussion on overcoming the cycle.

Pornography addiction causes changes in the brain. Cusick discusses evidence that shows that men who regularly view porn develop changes in their brains that are similar to changes in the brains of alcoholics or drug addicts. The good news is, the brain can be “rebooted” and Cusick discusses practical ways to do this.

These are just a few of the insights that Surfing for God offers. The beauty of this book is that it encourages us to consider that we were made for more than this life. If we are not actively pursuing a deep intimacy with God, then we will seek counterfeit fulfillments. The principles that Cusick discusses in this book can be applied to most any addiction.

As for me, I have some reframing to do on this issue with my boys. I don’t know that I have communicated to them that a life with Jesus is one of adventure and great passion. It’s not so much about not sinning as it is about moving toward God in ways that capture their imagination. This is the place to start.

Thanks, Michael John Cusick. Let the adventure begin.

Thank you to Thomas Nelson, Inc. for the complimentary copy of this book used for this review.

Image by Tim Miller. Used with permission. Sourced via Flickr. Post by Laura J. Boggess.