Empathy Is for Fun, Too

Rejoice with those who rejoice.

Romans 12:15

We’re on a beach at a wedding. It is a beautiful wedding. Every detail is perfect. The sun sets at the right angle. The temperature is balmy. The bride and groom are gorgeous. Then, almost on cue, a school of dolphins breaks through the ocean waves, swimming and smiling and jumping with joy as the wedding march begins.

Every guest is thrilled. We are smiling with the dolphins. We love this young couple, and we love their parents, their big families, and the privilege of being alive to celebrate. Even better, we didn’t miss the occasion.

But I could have missed it.

Cost. Distance. Work. A host of excuses could’ve stopped me from saying yes when the mother of the bride, a precious and longtime friend, asked if my husband and I would travel to this glorious beach resort for three days for her only daughter’s wedding.

Some declined, right off. Cost. Distance. Work. If they needed an excuse, one was easy to find.

When I looked in my friend’s eyes, however, and saw the depth of joy she was feeling for the nuptials of her daughter and “new son”—and the two families their union would combine—I couldn’t hesitate.

“Give me that date again?” I asked.

“Really?” she said. “You’ll go?”

I will go. And with that answer came the blessing and challenge of empathy—that gift of sharing passion for someone beyond one’s selfish self.

In a crisis? Of course, we empathize. Willingly, I skip work for funerals, sickness, and tragedy because empathy and hurt are emotional cousins. They are recognizable and logical. On a gorgeous beach, however, in the glow and even froth of a wondrous wedding, I was reminded that empathy and joy also share DNA. And that matters.

To miss work for my friend, who was given up for adoption during infancy and has invested years creating a family with strong connections—then see her investment manifest in her daughter’s wedding—rewarded me with a priceless gift.

“I just felt so honored,” I told my friend one week later. “To be there with you and experience this milestone was a highlight of my life and our friendship. I’ll never forget it.”

As the Apostle Paul reminded early Christians in Rome, “Rejoice with those who rejoice.” How? Give your bodies as a living sacrifice (Rom. 12:1). Go and share when pain happens—but also when it’s fun.

Sharing such joy isn’t always easy, however. Not everyone feels deeply and certainly not for others. One study at the New School for Social Research in New York confirmed that people who read literary fiction enhance their ability to detect and understand people’s emotions. Some of us, that is, could use this help.

The Bible says it like this: Love one another.

So I skipped work to go to a wedding. The Lord turned the empathy into wine. And we drank. Deeply. Together. Mazel tov.

QUESTIONS FOR FURTHER REFLECTION: Do you enjoy weddings and celebrations? How does such rejoicing glorify God? When others are celebrating, are you happy for them? How do strong feelings of joy for others feel to you? Are empathy in mourning and empathy in joy different or similar? What do you gain by nurturing empathy for others?

PRAYER: Bless your people and kingdom with the will to rejoice, heavenly Father. For your glory we pray. Amen.